January 1, 2005.

Yes, it is January 1 tomorrow. Sitting here in office I am forced to think – ‘Why am I not so excited about january 1’. After some pondering over this subject I came up with a valid reasoning.

During the month of December, people find a new subject to talk about. ‘Hey, wassup! What are you doing for the new year’s’. Most of the times I do not have an answer. Then just to be one of the cool guys I makeup some plans on the spot. Like – ‘Actually some friends of mine and I are getting together and having a party!’ The phrases like ‘going to have a party’, ‘going to have a ball’ etc only add the cool factor. And after telling a dozen people about this kind of plans, I actually start living the plan. I want to have a party on dec 31 night. I call a couple of guys and ask them what they are doing. Every one has a plan. Either going to a party organized by their friends or going out with their girl. Basically ‘party’ing. What ever it be, there is no reason for me to believe that. You know what I am saying? The phrase ‘going to party’ actually makes me uncomfortable and nervous. I do not like crowded places, dancing , boozing in public, 4 guys and 4 girls hanging out. And that it what ‘Party’ is all about, right? I am the conservative one. And if people invite me to a party, I politely decline it. They would be puzzled. Why would I decline coming to a party when some time back I was the same person who expressed interest in going to one. There is a reason why I don’t like ‘parties’. ‘Party’ is meant to be fun. But when I see too many people drunk and dancing, I get into this mood of introspection. The good old question – Is this how I want my life to be?’ totally takes over.I feel so nervous there that I cannot stand the music around me and I want to leave the ‘party’. There is one thing in my life that I dread the most. Introspection. It is actually good to be introspective. But when introspection becomes a habit, then it is worse than cancer. So, I advice people to refrain from these bouts of introspection. They are dangerous. Coming back to the ‘party’. So after I decline a couple of guys I realize that everyone is going out and having fun and I am left alone. What am I going to do? I am back to where I started. At this time I have to mention about Sandeep. I have screwed his new year plan a couple of times at least. Everytime this thought process of mine gets me in an unpleasant situation; he gets hooked to me as he is my best friend. Dude, I am sorry!

And then I decide that since there is nothing that I can do for the 31^st night, I can as well watch TV have daal chawal and go to bed. It is damn frustrating to think about how everyone is out dancing with a girl and you are watching aishwarya rai dance on TV. If given a chance I would not have gone out to dance with a girl. But as an after thought I feel that I could have done that. If no one had asked me the question – ‘‘Hey, wassup! What are you doing for the new year’s’, I would be happy to sit at home and enjoy the new year’s peacefully. But this damn world is bent upon screwing my new year!!

Wish you all a happy new year.