No its not about that..

Am I running away from something? Everytime I say this I feel miserable about myself. But contemplating, I think thats true. But what am I running from? Do I know for sure? may be not. I have a hazy picture.

Now if it is true that I am running away, there are two options. 1. I figure out what it is and do what I am scared of or am running away from. 2. Figure out what it is and abandon it completely.
Actually these are not even options when you think about it. For example, one thing that hants most of us is the peer pressure. How ever much you try to shield yourself from it, it gets to you. You do not want to be part of the race. So you are running away from it. You have figured out the problem. But can you actually be part of the rat race? Would that kill your fear/frusrtation? On the contrary it would worsen it. Can you abandon it completely? There is no way you can do that. You will get sucked into it, willingly or unwillingly. To cite another example, the good old, time tested example, love failure. Becasue you cannot cope with the fact that you are no more with the person you adore the most, you tend to run. (Till a couple of days back when I watched Forrest Gump on TV for the nth time, I did not know why Tom Hanks runs after his girl leaves him. Now I know. He is not just running. He is trying to run away from his memories that haunt him.). Lets take option 1. (I am solving a love problem in a practical way! What an irony!)
I can do nothing about it in this case. I cannot forget about the whole thing. Niether can I do something about it. Talking practically, you should let go of the feelings associated with this girl. But life cannot be led too practically. ('Be practical in life' - is the best advice that you can give any one. Try following it sometime..). So you tend to be stuck in the middle - Trishanku swarga.

I am still stuck on the peer pressure. 'I want to change my career line.' I told a friend. He said - then do an MBA. Then I think, MBA.. hmm.. So either I be happy with my job or work harder for a job that I might or might not like. So I start exploring my options. How about Army. I would love that for all the fitness involved. Would definitly try it. Law - NLS does not ofer part time courses. Doing a full time course, if possible, would make me out of the lot. Peer pressure!!!
MS. Suffering enough doing a BE in computer science. No more key-boards and screens. Business. Viable option. But need a partner for it. hard to find. Will wait till I find one. Go onsite. Good option. Have to ask my manager. Get married. Well.. excellent option. But get over the first girl first. Then find another one. Tough task. As I have swayed from peer pressure to exploring the options, I realize that its a break that I am looking for and not exactly satisfying my greed for acchievement (wow.. thts a big word for a not so ambitious person. acchievement!! ).

Finally I decide that I have to do something with my life. But why? Am I not happy the way I am? So what if my neighbour earns more than me? So what if my class mate gets promoted before me? So what if my friend stays at onsite and I am at offshore? Hardly matters. Its all in the head. If you are not too ambitions, dont try to force yourself. Work as much as you can. Enjoy life. Your life should be more than your work. Things will allign itself in life. Dont try too hard. Make yourself feel good. Peer pressure is in the head. Its not what your friend is. It is what you feel your friend is.
Be cool have fun. Wanted to write aboout something else...